Friday, 27 December 2013

Picking my brains

Omg, it's been so long since i updated my blog about myself.. I've been rushing al my event post that i owe (still got one more post that i haven't submitted yet.. haha. Will get on it soon, after this ya ! )
New year is approaching soon , and 2013 have been such a big change for me. all the goods and bads.. I guess god is taking me out from my comfort zone.. cause i've been so scare to move and try new things..

I have so much things on my mind, it feels like there are 101 things running through my mind . I really want to express it out, but i just don't know how ?! I have tried talking, crying, laughing... but things doesn't seem to get better.. because of this i have serious mood swings. Can't even decide whether I'm happy or sad..
The other day when i had lunch with Rachel, she told me that i used to be really happy and always randomly greet people.. But i can't even remember the last time i was really happy. I know it sounds like i'm having depression. HAHA. typing it out now, seems like i'm having some mental break down, but it's not that serious la ! Nothing to worry about, it's actually small matter, just sometimes with my puny brain i tend to over think and over speculate !
You're probably wondering what BS i'm talking about and why I'm biting around the bush and not getting straight to the point. HAHA! I also not sure le.. XD.. This is what i mean when i can't express myself. T.T ! But even despite with my crazy mood swings, I still have friends beside me to cheer me up. I know they are really trying their best to make me happy.. But I guess, deep inside me, I'm just not ready to be happy yet. I don't know.. ( & the phrase " I don't know.. " Is the TOP sentences i use recently.. !) But it's the truth, I really don't know.. haha.

I used to think.. " why people make life so complicated ?  Just make a decision and stick with it and life will be happy la !" Damn, now i'm that lame person stuck with a decision ! I'm so contradicting myself ! HAIS ! ! Sometimes, i wish there was a punching bag in my house that i can punch every once in awhile to release stress ! & then there are times when I meet people.. and they would tell me " yeah , i totally understand !" WHAT !.. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IS MY PROBLEM ! HOW CAN YOU EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND !  is really so weird... seriously ? !

I need to constantly remind myself " ALWAYS REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE... "  and not what others want you to be, cause i have receive so many comments from others on how i should conduct myself.. and how i should improve. Thank you so much for the Motivation.. YES, Will definitely improve myself step-by-step on the outside.. but I will always always remember who i am !

I'm gonna be 21 next year, and it's time for me to make changes in my life. I don't want to be one of those people who can't even handle their emotional shit ! I promised to be happier person in 2014. I plan to achieve that. Hmmmm.. some people told me to try blogging about my feelings, ( i know, it's kinda awkward right.. ) But i guess it kinda helped..

Striving to be stay positive constantly. It's hard, ( But if it was easy, everyone would be happy right !) being happy also takes lots of efforts okay. No JOKE !  haha..
Sorry ya, everyone. Need to bore you with this lame post. HAHA! & also to promise you all i will start focus on my blogging to give you all more informative post ! :D


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