Friday, 5 September 2014
Trying to forget..
Ignore my this lame post.. Just felt like updating it with some of my random thoughts again. Nothing much really just been so busy lately.. Sometimes things happen in the moment when you're really too busy to deal with it, and when your really free it's already to late to fix it. Have you ever been in that situation? Hmmmm.. well, Life i guess.. You want something to go your way, but ultimately you really have to work 100% to gain maybe 1-2% of happiness..
Well, i'm kinda stuck now. I'm force to the back of the bus and ready to be push off.. that feeling like you work so hard to want something, then now you like kinda realize, is it all worth it?
For example.. You have a friend who you care dearly, and want only the best for him/her.. but you can't really know he/she wants the same for you.. So you try & gamble, having the taught that maybe he/she will do the same.. (yeah, i know that your suppose to do a good deed without expecting anything in return.. ) In fact, i actually don't expect anything in return when i'm doing the good deed.. is only when that someone gives you BS out of the blue.. then i will wonder, what did i do to deserve this ?
Not trying to speak highly of myself, but i do genuinely treat people nice. in every way i can. I just prefer treating people nice, until you treat me like crap* then obvious i will do the same. I'm not stupid you know, if you give me lemons i will make lemonade for you..
Recently there is this 20 facts of myself going around social media.. & i posted mine on instagram.. But as i was writing through, i actually left out some. At the top of my mind right now, i have this very bad habit of mine.. is that, the min someone shows me something unsatisfying or something to really upset me deeply.. especially those who are closest to me, i will flip**.. like seriously flip. I will not talk to you anymore & i will keep my distance.. I know this is a super bad habit of mine. But i can't help myself.. Well, I guess everyone have their temper & bad habit.. So i'm trying to tone it down, it used to be worst.. but i guess now its slightly.. just slightly better.
I know it's not fair, cause sometimes people treat me like shit, (unintentionally) .. but i mean they can't expect to straight away get over it right.. ? ahhhh.. I'm just trying to rationalize the situation. (Self comforting.. :/)
Owh well, I guess that is one of the reason why i can't sustain a normal friendship with someone.. Sometimes, i really envy those who can still have a gang of friends who really got their back and will really be there for them when shit happens..
But I have really nothing much to complain also la, this is like super small problem for others... I'm sure some of you who have the time to read this (thank you XD) would think i'm just some teenager having some childish complain.. Yeap, I am ! I need somewhere to throw this childish of mine out.. (so don't judge me.. please!)
Fortunately , i still have this amazing bf of mine.. who loves me and treats my like a princess ! So life is better.. his like my sunshine after the rain ! :) Even we hardly meet, he tries his best to pamper me as often as possible.. hehe..
Yeah, this is a BS post.. I just need to express i guess..
this have been boiling in my system for quite sometime.. & i really i hate it when people say "Forget about it lah~, he/she is like that.." WTF ! what do you mean their LIKE THAT? You don't born an asshole, you choose to be one.. your not originally lansi, you just don't take the effort to be friendly ! cause being nice to others is hard for you, so you choose something in your comfort zone..
so yes, i'm tired..