Monday, 16 November 2015

Reflection in the mirror

Hello, monday. The usual monday, that starts so slow and lethargic.. Well, monday for me seems like the same, didn't have any off day over the weekends had class so was pretty packed. . But it was super fruitful, because it was a pastry forum which many famous chefs from all over came to had classes in our academy, and got to absorb so much knowledge from them.  It was a pretty good weekend after all..

Ah, but i'm here now thinking as i'm typing these long and nonsensical thoughts of mine. (i'm sorry to disappoint you if you taught this was some awesome post.. it's really not!)
Just curious to know if anyone has ever felt like their body is stuck in the present, but mentally is always in the future. I always feel time is so limited, time passes so fast these days. It's like i have 101 things to do but i never really get it done. (maybe i'm just so freaking unorganized!) But time is passing so fast and its almost end of the year.. 2016 is well on its way.

& then it got me thinking.. (which i'm an expert at, if there is a degree for worrying and over-thinking things i would differently ace it !) of the future. and my plans. and my goals and of cause non-relevant BS in my life.  Seriously, this year is such an eye-opener for me. I notice so much of myself and how much i have been lacking.

You know how people say you're blinded when your in a relationship?  (say yes, even if you haven't heard the saying before! =.=) HAHA!

But it's true, officially being single for almost 9 months after 7 years.
I mean it's scary at first, and it doesn't get better...
months after months, you probably feel that loneliness creeping on you especially when you're all alone..
Not the most pleasant feeling, but on top of that life just gets crapper and crapper cause when you're a ball of negative emotions you probably attract exactly the same shit !
But like how when everything bad is not always bad and not everything good is always good. (get it ? )

Through this 9 months, i got to understand myself a little better than the past 21 years of my life. (don't ask what is it, i'm not going to tell you obviously.. self refection is to kept to oneself!)
But i mean i finally have that time to reflect on myself and what is important in my life and where i stand rather than moving into the motions...
It's been so emotional and frustrating most of the time when you hit a wall, & i tell myself to care less but whenever this happens, i find myself back to square one when i'm like rock bottom and i really just want to curl up in a ball and draw circles on the floor.
Because i think rather than facing the problem i tend to just ignore and dodge it!
But i guess it just life ? you learn as much as you can and filter out things that don't matter. right ?

It's so weird how being in a different status in life makes you change so much on how you think. I can really say i'm not the same person i was in 2014. (i really hope the change is for the best!)
Exciting things to come i hope. end of the year and  it's time to pull out that record book and see my progress in my resolutions. and to start planning for the new year goal !
Blabbing things on my blog cause it gives me some chance to express and distress myself in my own way, cause i have no one to talk to except this monitor in front of me.. ! (haha, sad but true !)
Reminding myself constantly to live in the moment, and learn to enjoy the good and bad days because it will only happen today no other days..

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